Where to begin…sometimes I wish i was dimwitted and ignorant, not to sound pretentious or claim I’m a genius, but then if I were a little less learned I wouldn’t struggle so much with the thoughts that seem to linger against their welcome.
Why do i become so attached to fictional figures or ones to whom I have no acquaintance, and remain so distant to those closest to me. Maybe it’s because these “figures” can’t disappoint me…they are always there when i need them and no matter what they say it always brings my spirits up…maybe because I expect it and there are no surprises. Perhaps thats my problem…not knowing what to expect from life…maybe the fear of not knowing is causing me to cower away. Then again, and this is where the indecisive pathetic ways of which i live my life come into play, fear is what drives me, without spontaneity and unpredictablity life would be meaningless. I think my high school years have put me in a funk, because I am stuck in chains which “they” attached; I believe the brand name is called conformity something or another. I rely on everyone around me, while disguising myself as a loner and an independent mind. Without my surroundings I am lost. When I brake free I will be happy…unfamiliar and scared at first but im willing…
I say that I love life and that i try to find the best in everything that I do which is true…but half the time I’m depressed because of something i want that i can’t have, or of something I haven’t experienced and fear I never will. I have so much time but I’m afraid that if i don’t use the time that passes everyday to it’s fullest I won’t have a chance when…well whenever.
I love how i can take something that may seem mundane to others and turn it into an obsession. However short a period this phase may last it makes my life worthwhile and sets me a part from the rest. I love knowing I’m alone in my principles…all the other bastards don’t deserve the satisfaction I feel anyway, they dont possess the ability to comprehend these feelings…so there. I made this comment to sound like I classify myself above everyone else for a reason…because I do…and I am waiting for the right one to over take me. I am drawn to sarcasm and cynicism…I thrive on it and can relate to it. I wish I had a friend who had an equal attraction to these tendencies, that way we could sit on a cliff over looking the ocean or something (just an example of a place, it could be in two chairs beside a dump for all i care). But the cliff would give us a pleasant setting to have conversations that would be intriguing to our outlooks and beliefs. If this makes sense to anyone please let me know. Am i pulling this out of my head or my ass?
I love being able to put my thoughts down in text, not only does it allow me to express my feelings slowly and without trepidation, but it also gives me a chance to let my feelings free. When i know that they are able to graze in my computer pasture it makes my life less stressful because i don’t have to think about them as much. Im not constantly checking up on them or wondering if im neglecting them or feeding them properly…am i a good role model…ya know just the regular feelings that come from worrying about your feelings…
From now on I’ll put my complexities in my blogs and leave the bright side of me out on the porch for everyone to enjoy! 
A continuation of the spilling of the feelings will commence when i uckin feel like it! SNAP! POINT! WINK!
